MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
By William Shakespeare
Adapted by Donna Casey, used by permission
Running time: approximately 60 minutes
*Definitions
**Malapropisms /word confusions
CAST OF CHARACTERS
By William Shakespeare
Adapted by Donna Casey, used by permission
Running time: approximately 60 minutes
*Definitions
**Malapropisms /word confusions
CAST OF CHARACTERS
SOLDIERS
DON PEDRO Prince of Aragon
DON JOHN Brother of Don Pedro
BENEDICK A lord of Padua
CLAUDIO A lord of Florence
CONRADE Companion of Don John
BORACHIO Companion of Don John
THE HOUSEHOLD OF THE GOVERNOR OF MESSINA
LEONATO Governor of Messina
ANTONIO Brother of Leonato
HERO Daughter of Leonato
BEATRICE Niece of Leonato
MARGARET Servant
URSULA Servant
TOWNSPEOPLE OF MESSINA
FRIAR FRANCIS Friar of the local church
DOGBERRY Master constable
VERGES Dogberry’s assistant
SEXTON A court official
WATCHMEN Dogberry’s assistants
MESSENGER Leonato’s servant
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
ACT I. Scene 1
In front of Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Hero, Beatrice, and Messenger)
LEONATO: I learn from this letter that Don Pedro of Aragon comes this night to Messina.
MESSENGER: He is very near, not *three leagues off when I left him.
(*3 leagues = about 10 miles.)
LEONATO: I read here that Don Pedro has bestowed much honor on a young Florentine called Claudio.
MESSENGER: He is well deserved of that honor. He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age and in the figure of a lamb he has performed the feats of a lion.
BEATRICE: I pray you is Signor Benedick of Padua returned from the wars or no?
MESSENGER: O, he’s returned and as pleasant as ever.
BEATRICE: I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars?
LEONATO: Sir, you must not mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signor Benedick and her. They never meet but there’s a skirmish of wit between them.
BEATRICE: In our last conflict, four of his five wits went limping off and now is the whole man governed with one. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother. He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it is always changing.
MESSENGER: I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your favor.
BEATRICE: No, but I pray you, who is his companion now? Is there no young trouble-maker that will make a voyage with him?
MESSENGER: He is most in the company of the noble Claudio.
BEATRICE: O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! God help Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick it will cost him a thousand pounds to be cured.
MESSENGER: Don Pedro is approaching.
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Don John)
DON PEDRO: Good Signor Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? The custom of the world is to avoid the expense of guests, yet you welcome it.
LEONATO: Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace.
DON PEDRO: I think this is your daughter.
LEONATO: Her mother hath many times told me so.
BENEDICK: Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?
BEATRICE: I wonder that you would be talking, Signor Benedick; nobody marks you.
BENEDICK: What, my dear Lady Disdain. Are you yet living?
BEATRICE: Is it possible disdain should die, while she hath such food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to Disdain if you come in her presence.
BENEDICK: Then is Courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, all except for you; but truly I love none.
BEATRICE: A dear happiness to women. As for me, I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than hear a man swear he loves me.
BENEDICK: God keep your ladyship in that mind, so some gentleman shall escape a scratched face.
BEATRICE: Scratching could not make it worse if it were such a face as yours.
BENEDICK: Well, you are a rare *parrot. (*chatterer, babbler, empty talker)
BEATRICE: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
DON PEDRO: That is the sum of it all, Leonato! Signor Claudio and Signor Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited us all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer.
LEONATO: (To Don John) Let me bid you welcome, my lord.
DON JOHN: I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.
LEONATO: (to Don Pedro) Please it your grace lead on?
DON PEDRO: Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.
(Exit all but Benedick and Claudio)
CLAUDIO: Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signor Leonato? Is she not a fair young lady?
BENEDICK: I can see without spectacles, and I see no such matter. There’s her cousin and were she not possessed with a fury, exceeds her much in beauty. But I hope you have no intent to turn into a husband--have you?
CLAUDIO: I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.
BENEDICK: Is it come to this? Go on, and thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
(Enter Don Pedro)
DON PEDRO: What secret hath held you here that you followed not to Leonato’s?
BENEDICK: He is in love. With whom? Mark how short his answer is: with Hero, Leonato’s short daughter.
DON PEDRO: Amen, if you love her, for the lady is very worthy.
CLAUDIO: That I love her, my lord.
BENEDICK: But I will live a bachelor.
DON PEDRO: I wager I shall see thee before I die look pale with love.
BENEDICK: With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, but not with love.
DON PEDRO: Time will tell. In the meantime, good Signor Benedick, go to Leonato’s, and tell him I will not fail to meet him for supper, for indeed he hath made great preparation.
BENEDICK: And so I leave you.
(Exit Benedick)
CLAUDIO: My liege, your highness now may do me good. Hath Leonato any son, my lord?
DON PEDRO: No child but Hero; she’s his only heir. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, and I will broach the question with her father.
CLAUDIO: How sweetly you do minister to love!
(Enter Borachio, unseen by Don Pedro and Claudio)
DON PEDRO: I know we shall have some reveling tonight; I will assume thy part in some disguise and tell fair Hero I am Claudio and woo her in your name. Then after, to her father will I go, and the conclusion is: she shall be thine. In practice let us put it presently.
(Exit Don Pedro and Claudio together; exit Borachio afterwards)
ACT I, Scene 2
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Don John and Conrade)
CONRADE: What’s the matter, my lord? Why are you so sad?
DON JOHN: I cannot hide what I am. I must be sad for I am a plain-dealing villain.
(Enter Borachio)
DON JOHN: What news, Borachio?
BORACHIO: I came yonder from a great supper. The prince your brother Don Pedro, is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN: Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What fool betroths himself to marry?
BORACHIO: It is your brother’s right hand.
DON JOHN: Who? The most exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO: Even he.
DON JOHN: And on whom does he look?
BORACHIO: On Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
DON JOHN: How came you to this?
BORACHIO: I heard it agreed upon that Don Pedro should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Claudio.
DON JOHN: Come, come let us go to the supper; this may prove food to my displeasure. If I can cross him any way I bless myself every way. You are both sure and will assist me?
CONRADE: To the death, my lord.
BORACHIO: To the death.
(Exit)
ACT II, Scene 1
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Antonio, Hero, and Beatrice)
LEONATO: Was not Don John here at supper?
ANTONIO: I saw him not.
BEATRICE: How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am heart-burned an hour after.
LEONATO: Niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
BEATRICE: I shall have no husband, for which blessing I am upon my knees every morning and evening.
ANTONIO: Well, Hero, I trust you will be ruled by your father.
BEATRICE: Yes, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy, and say, ‘Father, as it please you.’ But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say, ‘Father, as it please ME.’
LEONATO: Well Beatrice, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
BEATRICE: Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. No, uncle, I’ll none.
LEONATO: (to Hero) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the prince, Don Pedro, solicits you in that kind, you know your answer. The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Margaret, and Ursula, Don John, Borachio with masks. Music and dancing begin.)
DON PEDRO: (to Hero) Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
HERO: I am yours for the walk. (They move aside.)
BEATRICE: Will you not tell me who you are?
BENEDICK: Not now.
BEATRICE: Senior Benedick said I was disdainful.
BENEDICK: What’s he?
BEATRICE: I am sure you know him well enough.
BENEDICK: Not I, believe me. What is he?
BEATRICE: Why he is Don Pedro’s jester, a very dull fool; his only gift is in devising impossible slanders. I am sure he is among the dancers.
BENEDICK: When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.
BEATRICE: Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me. We must follow the leader.
BENEDICK: In every good thing.
(Dance & all exit except Don John, Borachio, and Claudio)
DON JOHN: Are not you Signor Benedick?
CLAUDIO: You know me well. I am he.
DON JOHN: Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is in love with Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her.
CLAUDIO: How know you he loves her?
DON JOHN: I heard him swear his affection.
BORACHIO: So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.
DON JOHN: Come, let us go to the banquet.
(All exit except Claudio.)
CLAUDIO: Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, but hear this ill news with the ears of Claudio. ’Tis certain Don Pedro woos for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things except for the affairs of love. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
(Enter Benedick)
BENEDICK: Count Claudio?
CLAUDIO: Yea, that’s me.
BENEDICK: Don Pedro hath got your Hero.
CLAUDIO: I wish him joy of her.
BENEDICK: Did you think Don Pedro would have served you thus?
CLAUDIO: I pray you, leave me. If it will not be, I’ll leave you.
(exit Claudio)
BENEDICK: Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into the sedges. But that my Lady Beatrice should know me and not know me! Don Pedro’s fool-hah! I’ll be revenged as I may.
(Enter Don Pedro, Hero, and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: Now, signor, where’s count Claudio? Have you seen him?
BENEDICK: I found him here and I think I told him true, that your grace (Don Pedro) had got the good will of this young lady (Hero).
DON PEDRO: I will but teach them to *sing (consult in the agreement to wed) and restore them back to the owner. Now, the Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.
BENEDICK: She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was your jester! She speaks daggers, and every word stabs. I would not marry her if she were endowed with all of paradise. Come, talk not of her.
(Enter Claudio and Beatrice)
DON PEDRO: Look, here she comes.
BENEDICK: O sir, here’s a dish I love not!
DON PEDRO: Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signor Benedick.
BEATRICE: Indeed my lord, he lent it me awhile. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
DON PEDRO: How now, Claudio. Wherefore are you sad?
CLAUDIO: Not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO: How then? Sick?
CLAUDIO: Neither, my lord.
DON PEDRO: Claudio, I have wooed in they name, and fair Hero is won. I have spoken with her father, and his good will obtained. Name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy!
LEONATO: Claudio, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes. Don Pedro hath made the match, and all grace say amen to it.
BEATRICE: Speak, Claudio, ’tis your cue.
CLAUDIO: Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you, and dote upon the exchange.
BEATRICE: Speak, cousin! My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart. So goes everyone in the world but I. I may sit in a corner and cry ‘Hey-ho for a husband’.
DON PEDRO: Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. Will you marry me lady?
BEATRICE: No, my lord. You are too costly to wear everyday. Cousins, God give you joy! (Exit Beatrice)
DON PEDRO: She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
LEONATO: O, by no means. She mocks all her wooers.
DON PEDRO: She would make an excellent wife for Benedick.
LEONATO: O my lord, if they were but a week married they would talk themselves mad.
DON PEDRO: Claudio, the week before your wedding shall not go dully by. I will undertake one of Hercules’ labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection to one another. Will you three minister such assistance, as I shall give you direction?
LEONATO: My lord, I am for you.
CLAUDIO: And I, my lord.
HERO: I will do my role, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband.
DON PEDRO: Thus far can I praise Benedick. He is of a noble birth, of approved valor and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick; (to Claudio and Leonato) and I, with your help, will so practice on Benedick that he shall fall in love with Beatrice. Go in with me and I will tell you my plan
(Exit all)
ACT II, Scene 2
In Leonato’s house
(Enter Don John and Borachio)
DON JOHN: It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato.
BORACHIO: Yea, my lord, but I can cross it.
DON JOHN: Show me briefly how.
BORACHIO: I am in the favor of Margaret, the waiting-gentlewoman to Hero.
DON JOHN: I remember.
BORACHIO: I can, at any late hour of the night, instruct her to look out at her lady’s chamber window.
DON JOHN: What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?
BORACHIO: The poison of that lies in you! Go to your brother, Don Pedro, tell him that he hath wronged his honor in marrying Claudio to Hero.
DON JOHN: What proof do I have of that?
BORACHIO: If you deceive Claudio it will ruin Hero and Leonato.
DON JOHN: Only to despite them I will endeavor anything.
BORACHIO: Go then. Find me an hour to meet with Don Pedro and Claudio alone. Tell them that you know Hero loves me. Pretend a kind of loyalty to them. Bring them to her chamber window the very night before the wedding, hear me call Margaret ‘Hero.’ And all the preparation for the wedding shall be overthrown.
DON JOHN: Let this grow to whatever outcome it can, I will put it in practice. I will at once go learn their wedding day.
(Exit Don John and Borachio)
ACT III, Scene 1
In Leonato’s orchard
(Enter Benedick)
BENEDICK: I do much wonder that such a man as Claudio dedicates his behaviors to love! I have known when he would have walked ten mile afoot to see a good suit of armor and now will he lie ten nights awake designing a new wedding jacket! Will I be so converted and see with these eyes? Till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that’s certain; wise, or I’ll have none of her; fair, or I’ll not look on her; mild or come not near me. Well-spoken, and an excellent musician…hah! Don Pedro and Monsieur Love. I will hide in the arbor. (Benedick hides, but audience still sees him.)
(Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, and Claudio.)
DON PEDRO: (aside to Claudio and Leonato) See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
CLAUDIO: (aside) O, very well, my lord.
DON PEDRO: (loud enough for Benedick to hear) Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me? That your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick?
CLAUDIO: I did never think that lady would have loved any man.
LEONATO: No, nor I neither. But most wonderful that she should so dote on Signor Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
CLAUDIO: (aside) Bait the hook well, this fish will bite!
DON PEDRO: I would have thought her spirit had been invincible against all affection.
LEONATO: I would have sworn it had, especially against Benedick.
BENEDICK: I should think this a hoax, but that Leonato speaks it.
CLAUDIO: (aside) He hath swallowed the bait, keep it going!
DON PEDRO: Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
LEONATO: No, and swears she never will. That’s her torment.
CLAUDIO: Tis true indeed, so your daughter says. ‘Shall I,’ says she (Beatrice) ‘that have so often encountered him with scorn, write to him that I love him?’
LEONATO: This says she now, when she is beginning to write to him; for she’ll be up twenty times a night till she has written a sheet of paper. O, she tore the letter into a thousand pieces; railed at herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would scorn her.
CLAUDIO: Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, ‘O sweet Benedick! God give me patience!’
LEONATO: She doth indeed; my daughter says so. It is very true.
DON PEDRO: It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other person, if she will not reveal it.
CLAUDIO: To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO: She’s an excellent sweet lady, and, beyond all doubt, she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO: And she is wise.
DON PEDRO: In everything but in loving Benedick. I pray you tell Benedick of it and hear what he will say.
LEONATO: Is it good, think you?
CLAUDIO: Hero says Beatrice will die if he loves her not, and she will die if she make her love known, and she will die if he woo her.
DON PEDRO: If she should make tender of her love ’tis very possible he’ll scorn it, for Benedick hath a contemptible spirit. Let it cool the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy of so good a lady.
LEONATO: Dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO: (aside) If he does not dote on her after this, I will never trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO: (Aside) The sport will be when each holds the same option of the other’s being in love. Let us the net be spread for Beatrice. We shall send Beatrice to call Benedick to dinner. (exit all but Benedick.)
BENEDICK: This can be no trick. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity Beatrice. They say that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. They say the lady is fair, and virtuous, and wise, except for loving me. Here comes Beatrice! By this day, she’s a fair lady, and I do spy some marks of love in her!
(Enter Beatrice)
BEATRICE: Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK: Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE: If it had been painful I would not have come. If you have no appetite, signor, fare you well.
(Exit Beatrice.)
BENEDICK: Ha! ‘Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner’ - there’s a double meaning in that. If I do not love her I am a fool.
(Exit Benedick.)
ACT III, Scene 2
In Leonato’s orchard
(Enter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula)
HERO: Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy part to praise him more than ever man did merit; My talk shall be how Benedick is sick in love with Beatrice.
(Enter Beatrice, hiding)
URSULA: But are you sure that Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO: So says Don Pedro and my betrothed, Claudio.
URSULA: And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO: They did, but I persuaded them to never let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA: Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman deserve Beatrice?
HERO: Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes. And her wit values itself so highly that to her anyone else’s conversation seems weak. She cannot love nor project affection, she is so enamored of herself.
URSULA: And therefore it would not be good if she knew his love, lest she make sport of it.
HERO: I never saw a man so wise so noble, so rarely featured. But turns she every man the wrong side out, and never gives to truth and virtue that which he deserves. But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, she would *mock me into air. (*ridicule me into nothingness)
URSULA: Yet tell her of it; hear what she will say.
HERO: No, rather I will go to Benedick and counsel him to fight against his passion.
URSULA: So rare a gentleman in all Italy is Signor Benedick.
HERO: Indeed he is the only man of Italy, always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA: (to Hero) We have caught her, madam!
HERO: If it proves so, then loving goes by haps. Some cupids kill with arrows, some with traps!
(Exit Hero and Ursula)
BEATRICE: What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell; and maiden pride, adieu; No glory lives behind the back of such. And Benedick, love on, I will requite thee, taming my wild heart to thy loving hand. If thou dost love me, my kindness shall incite thee to bind our loves up in a *holy band. (marriage)
(Exit Beatrice)
ACT III, Scene 3
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: I do but stay till your marriage be celebrated and then go I toward Aragon.
BENEDICK: I am not as I have been.
LEONATO: Methinks you are sadder.
CLAUDIO: I hope he be in love.
BENEDICK: Leonato, walk aside with me. I have studied some wise words to speak to you, which these hobbyhorses must not hear.
(Exit Benedick and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: He goes to talk with him about Beatrice!
CLAUDIO: ’Tis so. Hero and Ursula have played their parts so the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
(Enter Don John)
DON JOHN: My brother, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO: What’s the matter?
DON JOHN: Means Count Claudio to be married tomorrow?
DON PEDRO: You know he does.
CLAUDIO: If there be any impediment, I pray you, disclose it.
DON JOHN: I come hither to tell you; and, details shortened, there has been long talking that the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO: Who, Hero?
DON JOHN: Yes she: Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero.
CLAUDIO: Disloyal?
DON JOHN: Go with me, tonight you shall see her chamber window entered, even the night before her wedding day. If you love her then, tomorrow wed her. But it would better fit your honor to change your mind.
CLAUDIO: May this be so?
DON PEDRO: I will not think it.
DON JOHN: If you follow me I will show you enough, and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO: If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her, tomorrow in the congregation where I should wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO: And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN: I will disparage her no farther till you are a witness. At midnight, let the outcome show itself.
DON PEDRO: O day unhappily turned!
CLAUDIO: O what mischief strange!
DON JOHN: O plague right well prevented. So will you say when you have seen the sequel.
(All exit)
ACT IV, Scene 1
On a street in town
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Watchmen)
**Malaprops and word mistakes, often being the opposite of what it means; in an attempt to use “fancy” words.
DOGBERRY: This is your charge; you shall comprehend all **vagrom (vagrant) men. You are to bid any man halt, in the prince’s name.
WATCHMAN: What if he will not halt?
VERGES: If he will not halt, he is not one of the Prince’s subjects.
DOGBERRY: You shall also make no noise in the streets. For The Watch to babble and to talk is most **tolerable (intolerable) and not to be endured.
WATCHMAN: We will rather sleep than talk; we know what belongs to a Watch.
DOGBERRY: Have care that your weapons be not stolen.
WATCHMAN: If we meet a thief shall we not lay hands on him?
DOGBERRY: The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company.
VERGES: If you hear a child cry in the night you must call the nurse and bid her still it.
WATCHMAN: What if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY: Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying. This is the end of your charge. Masters, good night. If there be anything important, call up me.
(Dogberry and Verges begin to exit)
WATCHMAN: Well masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon the church bench till two, and then all to bed.
DOGBERRY: (returns) One word more. Watch about Signor Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there tomorrow, there is a great hubbub tonight. Adieu. Be **vigitant (vigilant), I beseech you.
(Exit Dogberry and Verges. Enter Borachio and Conrade)
BORACHIO: Conrade!
WATCHMAN: Peace, stir not.
BORACHIO: Conrade, stand thee close, then I will utter all to thee.
WATCHMAN: (aside) Some treason, masters. Stand close.
BORACHIO: I have earned from Don John a thousand ducats.
WATCHMAN: (aside) I know that man. He has been a vile thief a number of years and walks about like a gentleman; I remember his name.
BORACHIO: Didst thou not hear somebody?
CONRADE: No, ’twas the vane on the house.
BORACHIO: I have tonight wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by calling her Hero; she leans me out at her mistress’ chamber window, bids me a thousand times goodnight. I should first tell thee how my master Don John planted and placed this false story. Then Don Pedro and Claudio and my master saw afar off in the orchard this encounter.
CONRADE: And thought they Margaret was Hero? Two of them did, Don Pedro and Claudio, but my master knew she was Margaret. Away went Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her the next morning at the temple, and there before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw at night, and send her home again without a husband.
WATCHMAN: We charge you in the prince’s name, halt!
WATCHMAN: Call up the master constable! We have here **recovered (discovered) the most dangerous piece of **lechery (treachery) that ever was known in the commonwealth!
WATCHMAN: And I know one of them!
CONRADE: Masters, masters . . .
WATCHMAN: Bring the thieves forth, I warrant you.
CONRADE: Masters . . .
WATCHMAN: Never speak, we charge you! We hereby **obey (order) you to go with us.
(all exit)
ACT IV, Scene 2
Hero’s room
(Enter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula)
HERO: Good morrow, cousin.
BEATRICE: (Speaking stuffed up, as with a head cold) Good morrow, sweet Hero.
HERO: Why, how now? Are you sick?
BEATRICE: I am *out of tune, (sick) methinks. ’Tis almost five o’clock, cousin; ’tis time you were ready. In truth, I am exceedingly ill.
HERO: These gloves Don Pedro sent me, they are an excellent perfume.
BEATRICE: I am *stuffed (stuffed up nose, as in a cold), cousin, I cannot smell.
MARGARET: Get you some of this distilled *Carduus Benedictus, (herbal healing remedy from a thistle plant and a pun on Benedick’s name) and lay it to your heart.
BEATRICE: “Benedictus?” Why “Benedictus?” You have a hidden meaning in this “Benedictus?”
MARGARET: No, I meant plain thistle. You wonder if I think you are in love? Nay, yet Benedick who swore he would never marry, now eats his meat without grudging. How you may be converted I know not, but methinks you look with your eyes as other women do.
(Enter Ursula)
URSULA: Madam, withdraw! The Don Pedro, Claudio, Signor Benedick, Don John and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church.
HERO: Help to dress me, good cousin, good Margaret, good Ursula.
(All exit)
ACT IV, Scene 3
In front of Leonato’s house. Enter Leonato, Dogberry, and Verges
LEONATO: What would you with me?
DOGBERRY: Sir, I would have some **confidence (conference) with you, that **discerns (concerns) you nearly.
LEONATO: Brief, I pray you, for you see it is a busy time with me.
DOGBERRY: Marry, this it is, sir.
VERGES: Yes, in truth it is, sir.
LEONATO: What is it, my good friends?
DOGBERRY: Verges is a good man, sir, and as honest as the skin between his brows.
VERGES: Yes, I am as honest as any man living.
LEONATO: Neighbors, you are tedious. I would gladly know what you have to say.
VERGES: Sir, we have **comprehended (apprehended) two **auspicious (suspicious) persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.
LEONATO: Take their examinations yourself, I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you. Fare you well! (Enter Messenger)
MESSENGER: My lord, they are waiting for you to give your daughter to her husband.
LEONATO: I am ready. (Leonato and Messenger exit)
DOGBERRY: Go, Verges, go get you to Francis WATCHMAN. Bid him bring his pen and ink bottle to the jail; we are now to **examination (examine) these men. Get the learned writer to set down our **excommunication (examination), and meet me at the jail.
(Dogberry and Verges exit)
ACT V, Scene 1
In a church
(Enter Don Pedro, Don John, Leonato, Friar Francis, Claudio, Benedick, Hero, Beatrice)
LEONATO: Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR: You come hither, Claudio, to marry this lady?
CLAUDIO: No.
LEONATO: To be married ‘to her’, Friar; you come to marry her.
FRIAR: Lady, you come hither to be married to this count?
HERO: I do.
FRIAR: If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be joined, I charge you on your souls to say it.
CLAUDIO: Know you any, Hero?
HERO: None, my lord.
FRIAR: Know you any Claudio?
CLAUDIO: Leonato, give not this rotten orange to your friend.
LEONATO: What do you mean, Claudio?
BENEDICK: This looks not like a nuptial.
CLAUDIO: Let me but put one question to your daughter, bid her answer truly.
LEONATO: I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
CLAUDIO: What man was he talked with you yesternight out at your wind betwixt twelve and one? Now, if you are an honest maid, answer to this?
HERO: I talked with no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO: Why, then are you no honest maiden. Leonato, I am sorry you must hear. Upon my honor, myself, my brother Don John, and this grieved Claudio did see her, hear her, at that hour last night, talk with a ruffian at her chamber window, who hath indeed confessed the vile encounters they have had a thousand times in secret.
CLAUDIO: O Hero! Fare thee well, most foul, most fair.
(Hero faints)
BEATRICE: Why, how now, cousin! *Wherefore (why) sink you down?
DON JOHN: Come, let us go; these things come thus to light. (Exit Don Pedro, Claudio and Don John)
BENEDICK: How doth the lady?
BEATRICE: Dead, I think. Help, uncle! Hero! Why Hero? Uncle, Signor Benedick, Friar!
LEONATO: O Fate, take not away they heavy hand. Death is the fairest cover for her shame that may be wished for.
BEATRICE: (Hero moves) How now, cousin Hero?
FRIAR: Have comfort, lady.
LEONATO: Could she here deny the story? Do not live, Hero; do not open thine eyes! O, she is fallen into a pit of ink that the wide sea hath drops too few to wash her clean again.
BEATRICE: On my soul, my cousin has been slandered.
FRIAR: Hear me a little: Call me a fool, but this sweet lady lies guiltless here under some biting error.
LEONATO: She denies it not. Why seekest thou then to cover with excuse?
FRIAR: Lady, what man is he you are accused of?
HERO: I know none. O my father, prove you that any man with me conversed, or that I yesternight changed words with any creature.
FRIAR: There is some strange error.
BENEDICK: Two of them have the very bent of honor. And if their wisdoms be misled in this, the practice of it lives in Don John, whose spirits toil in villainy.
LEONATO: If they wrong her honor, they shall well hear of it. I shall thoroughly revenge myself upon them.
FRIAR: Pause awhile, and let Hero awhile be secretly kept in, and publish it that she is dead indeed. Maintain your mourning and do all rites that pertain unto a burial.
LEONATO: What will this do?
FRIAR: This shall change slander to remorse; that is some good. That what we have we prize not to the worth while we enjoy it, but being lost, then we find the virtue that possession would not show us while it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio; Then he shall mourn and wish he had not so accused her. But if the story be true, you may well conceal her in some reclusive life out of all eyes.
BENEDICK: Signor Leonato, let the friar advise you.
LEONATO: Being that I am overcome by grief, the smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR: ’Tis well consented. Come, lady, die to live. This wedding day perhaps is but prolonged. Have patience and endure. (Exit all but Beatrice and Benedick)
BENEDICK: Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE: Yea, and I will weep awhile longer.
BENEDICK: Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE: Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would avenge her!
BENEDICK: I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?
BEATRICE: As strange as the thing I know not. You have stayed me in a happy hour; I was about to protest I Ioved you.
BENEDICK: And do it, with all thy heart.
BEATRICE: I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
BENEDICK: Come, bid me do anything for thee.
BEATRICE: Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK: Ha, not for the wide world.
BEATRICE: You kill me to deny it. Farewell. (Moves to leave)
BENEDICK: Stay, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE: I am gone, there is no love in you; nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK: Beatrice-
BEATRICE: In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK: We’ll be friends first.
BEATRICE: You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy. Is it not proved that he hath slandered, scorned, dishonored my cousin? O, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace.
BENEDICK: Hear me, Beatrice-
BEATRICE: Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone. O that I were a man or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK: Stay, sweet Beatrice. By this hand, I Iove thee. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE: Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK: Enough, I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a costly payment. As you hear of me, so think of me.
(Exit in different directions)
ACT VI, Scene 1
Prison
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Sexton, The Watch, Borachio and Conrade)
DOGBERRY: Is our whole **dissembly (assembly) appeared?
VERGES: O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
SEXTON: (sits) Which are the offenders that are to be examined? (to Dogberry) Let them come, master constable.
DOGBERRY: (The Watch lead Borachio and Conrade forward.) (To Borachio) What is your name, friend?
BORACHIO: Borachio.
DOGBERRY: (To the Sexton) Pray write down ‘Borachio’. (to Conrade) Yours fellow?
CONRADE: I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY: Write down ‘master gentleman Conrade’. Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves. How answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE: Sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY: (to Borachio) Come you hither, fellow. Sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
BORACHIO: Sir, I say to you, we are none.
DOGBERRY: (to the Sexton) Have you writ down, that they are none?
SEXTON: Master constable, you must call forth The Watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY: Let The Watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the prince’s name, accuse these men.
WATCHMAN 1: (Indicates Borachio) This man said that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY: Write down ‘Prince John a villain’. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain!
SEXTON: What heard you him say else?
WATCHMAN 2: That he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY: Flat burglary as ever was committed!
SEXTON: What else, fellow?
WATCHMAN 1: And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
DOGBERRY: O villain! Thou wilt be condemned into everlasting **redemption (perdition) for this.
SEXTON: Don John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in these very manner refused and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show him their examination. (exit)
DOGBERRY: Come, bind them. (Watch move to bind them, Conrade resists) Thou naughty knave.
CONRADE: Away! You are an ass! You are an ass!
DOGBERRY: Dost thou not **suspect (respect) my place? Dost thou not **suspect my years? O, that he (Sexton) were here to write me down an ass! But masters, remember that I am an ass; though it not be written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer, and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law-*go to (command to move forward)-and a rich fellow enough-go to! Bring him away. O, that I had been writ down an ass! (exit)
ACT VI, Scene 2
Leonato’s House
(Enter Leonato, Antonio)
ANTONIO: If you go on thus you will kill yourself, And ’tis not wise thus to second grieve against yourself.
LEONATO: I pray thee cease thy counsel, which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve. Show me a man that so loved his child, whose joy of her is overwhelmed like mine. But there is no such man. Men can counsel and speak comfort to that grief which they themselves not feel. No, no, ’tis all men’s duty to speak patience to those that suffer under the load of sorrow, but none can endure to suffer the like himself. Therefore give me no counsel.
ANTONIO: Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO: There thou speak’st reason. I will do so: My soul doth tell me Hero is betrayed, and that shall Claudio know, so shall Don Pedro and all of them that thus dishonor her.
(Enter Don Pedro and Claudio)
ANTONIO: Here comes Don Pedro and Claudio hastily.
DON PEDRO: Good evening.
CLAUDIO: Good day to both of you.
DON PEDRO: We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO: Are you so hastily now, my lord?
DON PEDRO: Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
CLAUDIO: Who wrongs him?
LEONATO: Claudio, thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me, that I am forced to challenge thee to a duel. I say thou hast betrayed mine innocent child. Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, and she lies buried with her ancestors in a tomb where never scandal slept, except this of hers, framed by thy villainy.
CLAUDIO: My villainy?
LEONATO: Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO: You say not right, old man.
LEONATO: I’ll prove it on his body, if he dare, despite his fancy fencing skills and his youth.
CLAUDIO: Away! I will not have to do with you.
LEONATO: Canst thou so *doff (put me off) me? If thou kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
ANTONIO: He shall kill two of us. Let him answer me. Come, follow me, boy. I’ll whip you from your sword-play! Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
LEONATO: Brother-
ANTONIO: God knows I loved my niece, and she is dead, slandered to death by villains. Boys, *apes, braggarts, *jacks, *milksops! (imitations of real men, rascals, cowards)
LEONATO: But brother Anthony-
ANTONIO: Do not you meddle; let me deal with this.
DON PEDRO: My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death, but on my honor she was charged with nothing but what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO: My lord, my lord-
DON PEDRO: I will not hear you.
LEONATO: No? Come brother, away. I will be heard. (exit Leonato and Antonio)
(Enter Benedick)
DON PEDRO: Here comes the man we went to seek.
CLAUDIO: Now, signor, what news?
BENEDICK: Shall I speak a word in your ear? (aside to Claudio) You are a villain. I jest not. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.
DON PEDRO: By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry indeed. I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. At last she concluded, with a sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO: For then she wept heartily and said she cared not.
DON PEDRO: Yea, that she did. Leonato’s daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO: Yea, ‘Here dwells Benedick the married man.’
BENEDICK: Fare you well. Claudio, you know my mind. Don Pedro, for your many courtesies, I thank you. I must discontinue your company. Your brother, Don John, is fled from Messina; you have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord *Lack-beard there, (a reference to Claudio’s lack of manliness) he and I shall meet, and till then peace be with him. (Exit Benedick)
DON PEDRO: He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO: In most profound earnest. And, I’ll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO: And hath *challenged thee? (To a sword fighting duel)
CLAUDIO: Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO: But wait a moment. Pluck up, my heart, and be sad-did he not say my brother was fled?
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Watchmen, Conrade, and Borachio)
DON PEDRO: How now? Two of my brother’s men bound? Officers, what offense have these men done?
DOGBERRY: Sir, they have committed false report. Moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they are **slanders, (slanderers) sixth and lastly, they have betrayed a lady, thirdly they have **verified (sworn to) unjust things, and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO: Who have you offended, masters? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offense?
BORACHIO: Don Pedro, I have deceived even your very eyes. These shallow fools, who in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John provoked me to slander the lady Hero. You were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments and you disgraced her when you should marry her. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation and I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO: Runs not this speech like a sword through your blood?
CLAUDIO: I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it.
DON PEDRO: Did my brother, Don John, set thee on to this?
BORACHIO: Yea, and paid me richly for it.
DON JOHN: He is composed and framed of treachery, and fled he is upon this villainy.
CLAUDIO: Sweet Hero! Now thy image doth appear in the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY: Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our sexton hath **reformed (informed) Signor Leonato of the matter. And masters, do not forget to specify that I am an ass.
VERGES: Here comes Signor Leonato and the sexton too.
(Enter Leonato, Antonio, and Sexton)
LEONATO: Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes, which of these is he?
BORACHIO: If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO: No, not so, villain, thou betrays thyself. Here stand a pair of honorable men; A third is fled that had a hand in it.
CLAUDIO: I must speak. Sinned I not but in mistaking.
DON PEDRO: By my soul, nor I.
LEONATO: I cannot bid you bid my daughter live-that is impossible. But I pray you both, possess the people in Messina how innocent she died. (to Claudio) And if you love her, hang an epitaph upon her tomb and sing it to her tonight. Tomorrow morning come you to my house and since you can not be my son-in-law, be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter, almost the copy of my child that’s dead. Give her the right you should have given Hero, and so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO: I do embrace your offer.
LEONATO: Tomorrow then, I will expect your coming; Tonight I will take my leave. This naughty man shall face to face be brought to Margaret, who I believe was an accomplice in all this wrong, hired to it by Don John.
BORACHIO: No, by my soul she was not, nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me.
DOGBERRY: Moreover, sir, this offender, did call me ass. I beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment.
LEONATO: I thank thee for thy care and honest pains. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY: I leave an arrant knave with your worship. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well! God restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart. Come, Verges. (exit Dogberry and Verges)
LEONATO: Until tomorrow, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO: Farewell, my lords. We look for you tomorrow.
DON PEDRO: We will not fail.
CLAUDIO: Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO: (to The Watch) Bring you these fellows on. We’ll talk with Margaret, how her acquaintance grew with this rascal fellow.
(all exit)
ACT VII, Scene 1
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Benedick and Margaret)
BENEDICK: (sings) The God of love,
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve…
(speaking) I have tried; I can find no rhyme to ‘lady’ but ‘baby. No, I was not born under a rhyming planet nor I cannot woo in lighthearted terms.
(Enter Beatrice)
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE: Yea, signor. I come for to know what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK: Only foul words-and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE: Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, therefore I will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK: So forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly: Claudio has received my challenge, and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will publicly proclaim him a coward. Now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE: For them all together. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK: ‘Suffer love’! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE: In spite of your heart, I think! Alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK: Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE: Very ill.
BENEDICK: And how do you?
BEATRICE: Very ill too.
(Enter Ursula)
URSULA: Madam, it is proved my lady Hero hath been falsely accused, Don Pedro and Claudio mightily abused, and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone.
BEATRICE: Will you go hear this news, signor?
BENEDICK: I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes-and moreover, I will go with thee to they uncle’s.
(All exit)
ACT VI, Scene 2
Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Benedick, Margaret, Ursula, Antonio, Friar Francis, Hero-as “brother’s daughter,” and Beatrice)
FRIAR FRANCIS: Did I not tell you she was innocent?
LEONATO: So are Don Pedro and Claudio who accused her. But Margaret was in some fault for this, although against her will.
ANTONIO: I am glad that all things sort out so well.
BENEDICK: And so am I, being that I promised to challenge young Claudio to a duel for it.
LEONATO: Well, you gentlewomen all, withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, and when I send for you, come hither masked. Don Pedro and Claudio promised by this hour to visit me. You know your office, brother. You must be father to your brother’s daughter and give her to young Claudio. (Ladies exit)
BENEDICK: Friar, I must entreat you.
FRIAR: To do what, signor?
BENEDICK: To bind me, or undo me, one of them. Signor Leonato-truth it is, good signor, your niece, Beatrice, regards me with an eye of favor.
LEONATO: Most true. But what is your will?
BENEDICK: My will is for Beatrice and I to stand this day to be conjoined in the estate of honorable marriage.
LEONATO: My heart is with your liking.
FRIAR: Here comes Don Pedro and Claudio.
(Enter Don Pedro and Claudio)
LEONATO: Good morrow, Prince, good morrow, Claudio. We here attend you. Are you determined today to marry with my brother’s daughter?
CLAUDIO: I am.
LEONATO: Call her forth, brother. The friar is ready. (Antonio exits to get Hero)
(Enter Antonio, Hero, Beatrice, Margaret and Ursula- women masked)
CLAUDIO: Which is the lady I must marry? (Antonio leads Hero forward)
ANTONIO: This is she, and I do give you her.
CLAUDIO: (to Hero) Sweet, let me see your face.
LEONATO: No, that you shall not till you take her hand before this friar and swear to marry her.
CLAUDIO: Give me your hand before this holy friar. I am your husband if you like me.
HERO: (takes off mask) And when I lived I was your other wife; and when you loved, you were my other husband.
CLAUDIO: Another Hero!
HERO: One Hero died slandered, but I do live. And surely as I live, I am a maid.
FRIAR: All this amazement can I qualify, after the holy rites are ended. Meantime, to the chapel let us go immediately.
BENEDICK: Soft and fair, Friar. Which is Beatrice?
BEATRICE: (takes off mask) I answer to that name. What is your will?
BENEDICK: Do not you love me?
BEATRICE: Why no, no more than reason.
BENEDICK: Why then Leonato, Don Pedro and Claudio have been deceived-they swore you did.
BEATRICE: Do not you love me?
BENEDICK: In truth, no, no more than reason.
BEATRICE: Why then Hero, Margaret and Ursula are much deceived, for they swear you did.
BENEDICK: They swore that you were almost sick for me.
BEATRICE: They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
BENEDICK: Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
BEATRICE: Only as a friend.
LEONATO: Come Beatrice, I am sure you love the gentleman.
CLAUDIO: And I’ll be sworn upon’t that he loves her, for here’s a paper written in his hand, a halting sonnet of his own fashioned to Beatrice.
HERO: And here’s another, written in Beatrice’s hand, stolen from her pocket, containing her affection unto Benedick.
BENEDICK: A miracle! Here’s our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee.
BEATRICE: I would not deny you.
BENEDICK: In brief, since I do purpose to marry, never mock me for what I have said against it. For man is a giddy thing. For thy part Claudio, I did think to have *beaten thee (won the duel), but thou art now my kinsman, live unbruised and love Hero. Come, we are friends.
(Enter Messenger)
MESSENGER: My lord, Don John, is arrested in flight and brought with armed men back to Messina.
BENEDICK: Think not on him till tomorrow. I’ll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers! Let’s have a dance before we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels. Therefore play, music! Don Pedro, thou art sad-get thee a wife, get thee a wife!
(All exit dancing)
THE END
DON PEDRO Prince of Aragon
DON JOHN Brother of Don Pedro
BENEDICK A lord of Padua
CLAUDIO A lord of Florence
CONRADE Companion of Don John
BORACHIO Companion of Don John
THE HOUSEHOLD OF THE GOVERNOR OF MESSINA
LEONATO Governor of Messina
ANTONIO Brother of Leonato
HERO Daughter of Leonato
BEATRICE Niece of Leonato
MARGARET Servant
URSULA Servant
TOWNSPEOPLE OF MESSINA
FRIAR FRANCIS Friar of the local church
DOGBERRY Master constable
VERGES Dogberry’s assistant
SEXTON A court official
WATCHMEN Dogberry’s assistants
MESSENGER Leonato’s servant
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
ACT I. Scene 1
In front of Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Hero, Beatrice, and Messenger)
LEONATO: I learn from this letter that Don Pedro of Aragon comes this night to Messina.
MESSENGER: He is very near, not *three leagues off when I left him.
(*3 leagues = about 10 miles.)
LEONATO: I read here that Don Pedro has bestowed much honor on a young Florentine called Claudio.
MESSENGER: He is well deserved of that honor. He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age and in the figure of a lamb he has performed the feats of a lion.
BEATRICE: I pray you is Signor Benedick of Padua returned from the wars or no?
MESSENGER: O, he’s returned and as pleasant as ever.
BEATRICE: I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars?
LEONATO: Sir, you must not mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signor Benedick and her. They never meet but there’s a skirmish of wit between them.
BEATRICE: In our last conflict, four of his five wits went limping off and now is the whole man governed with one. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother. He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it is always changing.
MESSENGER: I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your favor.
BEATRICE: No, but I pray you, who is his companion now? Is there no young trouble-maker that will make a voyage with him?
MESSENGER: He is most in the company of the noble Claudio.
BEATRICE: O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! God help Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick it will cost him a thousand pounds to be cured.
MESSENGER: Don Pedro is approaching.
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Don John)
DON PEDRO: Good Signor Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? The custom of the world is to avoid the expense of guests, yet you welcome it.
LEONATO: Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace.
DON PEDRO: I think this is your daughter.
LEONATO: Her mother hath many times told me so.
BENEDICK: Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?
BEATRICE: I wonder that you would be talking, Signor Benedick; nobody marks you.
BENEDICK: What, my dear Lady Disdain. Are you yet living?
BEATRICE: Is it possible disdain should die, while she hath such food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to Disdain if you come in her presence.
BENEDICK: Then is Courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, all except for you; but truly I love none.
BEATRICE: A dear happiness to women. As for me, I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than hear a man swear he loves me.
BENEDICK: God keep your ladyship in that mind, so some gentleman shall escape a scratched face.
BEATRICE: Scratching could not make it worse if it were such a face as yours.
BENEDICK: Well, you are a rare *parrot. (*chatterer, babbler, empty talker)
BEATRICE: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
DON PEDRO: That is the sum of it all, Leonato! Signor Claudio and Signor Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited us all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer.
LEONATO: (To Don John) Let me bid you welcome, my lord.
DON JOHN: I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.
LEONATO: (to Don Pedro) Please it your grace lead on?
DON PEDRO: Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.
(Exit all but Benedick and Claudio)
CLAUDIO: Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signor Leonato? Is she not a fair young lady?
BENEDICK: I can see without spectacles, and I see no such matter. There’s her cousin and were she not possessed with a fury, exceeds her much in beauty. But I hope you have no intent to turn into a husband--have you?
CLAUDIO: I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.
BENEDICK: Is it come to this? Go on, and thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
(Enter Don Pedro)
DON PEDRO: What secret hath held you here that you followed not to Leonato’s?
BENEDICK: He is in love. With whom? Mark how short his answer is: with Hero, Leonato’s short daughter.
DON PEDRO: Amen, if you love her, for the lady is very worthy.
CLAUDIO: That I love her, my lord.
BENEDICK: But I will live a bachelor.
DON PEDRO: I wager I shall see thee before I die look pale with love.
BENEDICK: With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, but not with love.
DON PEDRO: Time will tell. In the meantime, good Signor Benedick, go to Leonato’s, and tell him I will not fail to meet him for supper, for indeed he hath made great preparation.
BENEDICK: And so I leave you.
(Exit Benedick)
CLAUDIO: My liege, your highness now may do me good. Hath Leonato any son, my lord?
DON PEDRO: No child but Hero; she’s his only heir. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, and I will broach the question with her father.
CLAUDIO: How sweetly you do minister to love!
(Enter Borachio, unseen by Don Pedro and Claudio)
DON PEDRO: I know we shall have some reveling tonight; I will assume thy part in some disguise and tell fair Hero I am Claudio and woo her in your name. Then after, to her father will I go, and the conclusion is: she shall be thine. In practice let us put it presently.
(Exit Don Pedro and Claudio together; exit Borachio afterwards)
ACT I, Scene 2
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Don John and Conrade)
CONRADE: What’s the matter, my lord? Why are you so sad?
DON JOHN: I cannot hide what I am. I must be sad for I am a plain-dealing villain.
(Enter Borachio)
DON JOHN: What news, Borachio?
BORACHIO: I came yonder from a great supper. The prince your brother Don Pedro, is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN: Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What fool betroths himself to marry?
BORACHIO: It is your brother’s right hand.
DON JOHN: Who? The most exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO: Even he.
DON JOHN: And on whom does he look?
BORACHIO: On Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
DON JOHN: How came you to this?
BORACHIO: I heard it agreed upon that Don Pedro should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Claudio.
DON JOHN: Come, come let us go to the supper; this may prove food to my displeasure. If I can cross him any way I bless myself every way. You are both sure and will assist me?
CONRADE: To the death, my lord.
BORACHIO: To the death.
(Exit)
ACT II, Scene 1
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Antonio, Hero, and Beatrice)
LEONATO: Was not Don John here at supper?
ANTONIO: I saw him not.
BEATRICE: How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am heart-burned an hour after.
LEONATO: Niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
BEATRICE: I shall have no husband, for which blessing I am upon my knees every morning and evening.
ANTONIO: Well, Hero, I trust you will be ruled by your father.
BEATRICE: Yes, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy, and say, ‘Father, as it please you.’ But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say, ‘Father, as it please ME.’
LEONATO: Well Beatrice, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
BEATRICE: Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. No, uncle, I’ll none.
LEONATO: (to Hero) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the prince, Don Pedro, solicits you in that kind, you know your answer. The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Margaret, and Ursula, Don John, Borachio with masks. Music and dancing begin.)
DON PEDRO: (to Hero) Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
HERO: I am yours for the walk. (They move aside.)
BEATRICE: Will you not tell me who you are?
BENEDICK: Not now.
BEATRICE: Senior Benedick said I was disdainful.
BENEDICK: What’s he?
BEATRICE: I am sure you know him well enough.
BENEDICK: Not I, believe me. What is he?
BEATRICE: Why he is Don Pedro’s jester, a very dull fool; his only gift is in devising impossible slanders. I am sure he is among the dancers.
BENEDICK: When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.
BEATRICE: Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me. We must follow the leader.
BENEDICK: In every good thing.
(Dance & all exit except Don John, Borachio, and Claudio)
DON JOHN: Are not you Signor Benedick?
CLAUDIO: You know me well. I am he.
DON JOHN: Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is in love with Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her.
CLAUDIO: How know you he loves her?
DON JOHN: I heard him swear his affection.
BORACHIO: So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.
DON JOHN: Come, let us go to the banquet.
(All exit except Claudio.)
CLAUDIO: Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, but hear this ill news with the ears of Claudio. ’Tis certain Don Pedro woos for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things except for the affairs of love. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
(Enter Benedick)
BENEDICK: Count Claudio?
CLAUDIO: Yea, that’s me.
BENEDICK: Don Pedro hath got your Hero.
CLAUDIO: I wish him joy of her.
BENEDICK: Did you think Don Pedro would have served you thus?
CLAUDIO: I pray you, leave me. If it will not be, I’ll leave you.
(exit Claudio)
BENEDICK: Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into the sedges. But that my Lady Beatrice should know me and not know me! Don Pedro’s fool-hah! I’ll be revenged as I may.
(Enter Don Pedro, Hero, and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: Now, signor, where’s count Claudio? Have you seen him?
BENEDICK: I found him here and I think I told him true, that your grace (Don Pedro) had got the good will of this young lady (Hero).
DON PEDRO: I will but teach them to *sing (consult in the agreement to wed) and restore them back to the owner. Now, the Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.
BENEDICK: She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was your jester! She speaks daggers, and every word stabs. I would not marry her if she were endowed with all of paradise. Come, talk not of her.
(Enter Claudio and Beatrice)
DON PEDRO: Look, here she comes.
BENEDICK: O sir, here’s a dish I love not!
DON PEDRO: Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signor Benedick.
BEATRICE: Indeed my lord, he lent it me awhile. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
DON PEDRO: How now, Claudio. Wherefore are you sad?
CLAUDIO: Not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO: How then? Sick?
CLAUDIO: Neither, my lord.
DON PEDRO: Claudio, I have wooed in they name, and fair Hero is won. I have spoken with her father, and his good will obtained. Name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy!
LEONATO: Claudio, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes. Don Pedro hath made the match, and all grace say amen to it.
BEATRICE: Speak, Claudio, ’tis your cue.
CLAUDIO: Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you, and dote upon the exchange.
BEATRICE: Speak, cousin! My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart. So goes everyone in the world but I. I may sit in a corner and cry ‘Hey-ho for a husband’.
DON PEDRO: Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. Will you marry me lady?
BEATRICE: No, my lord. You are too costly to wear everyday. Cousins, God give you joy! (Exit Beatrice)
DON PEDRO: She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
LEONATO: O, by no means. She mocks all her wooers.
DON PEDRO: She would make an excellent wife for Benedick.
LEONATO: O my lord, if they were but a week married they would talk themselves mad.
DON PEDRO: Claudio, the week before your wedding shall not go dully by. I will undertake one of Hercules’ labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection to one another. Will you three minister such assistance, as I shall give you direction?
LEONATO: My lord, I am for you.
CLAUDIO: And I, my lord.
HERO: I will do my role, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband.
DON PEDRO: Thus far can I praise Benedick. He is of a noble birth, of approved valor and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick; (to Claudio and Leonato) and I, with your help, will so practice on Benedick that he shall fall in love with Beatrice. Go in with me and I will tell you my plan
(Exit all)
ACT II, Scene 2
In Leonato’s house
(Enter Don John and Borachio)
DON JOHN: It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato.
BORACHIO: Yea, my lord, but I can cross it.
DON JOHN: Show me briefly how.
BORACHIO: I am in the favor of Margaret, the waiting-gentlewoman to Hero.
DON JOHN: I remember.
BORACHIO: I can, at any late hour of the night, instruct her to look out at her lady’s chamber window.
DON JOHN: What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?
BORACHIO: The poison of that lies in you! Go to your brother, Don Pedro, tell him that he hath wronged his honor in marrying Claudio to Hero.
DON JOHN: What proof do I have of that?
BORACHIO: If you deceive Claudio it will ruin Hero and Leonato.
DON JOHN: Only to despite them I will endeavor anything.
BORACHIO: Go then. Find me an hour to meet with Don Pedro and Claudio alone. Tell them that you know Hero loves me. Pretend a kind of loyalty to them. Bring them to her chamber window the very night before the wedding, hear me call Margaret ‘Hero.’ And all the preparation for the wedding shall be overthrown.
DON JOHN: Let this grow to whatever outcome it can, I will put it in practice. I will at once go learn their wedding day.
(Exit Don John and Borachio)
ACT III, Scene 1
In Leonato’s orchard
(Enter Benedick)
BENEDICK: I do much wonder that such a man as Claudio dedicates his behaviors to love! I have known when he would have walked ten mile afoot to see a good suit of armor and now will he lie ten nights awake designing a new wedding jacket! Will I be so converted and see with these eyes? Till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that’s certain; wise, or I’ll have none of her; fair, or I’ll not look on her; mild or come not near me. Well-spoken, and an excellent musician…hah! Don Pedro and Monsieur Love. I will hide in the arbor. (Benedick hides, but audience still sees him.)
(Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, and Claudio.)
DON PEDRO: (aside to Claudio and Leonato) See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
CLAUDIO: (aside) O, very well, my lord.
DON PEDRO: (loud enough for Benedick to hear) Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me? That your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick?
CLAUDIO: I did never think that lady would have loved any man.
LEONATO: No, nor I neither. But most wonderful that she should so dote on Signor Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
CLAUDIO: (aside) Bait the hook well, this fish will bite!
DON PEDRO: I would have thought her spirit had been invincible against all affection.
LEONATO: I would have sworn it had, especially against Benedick.
BENEDICK: I should think this a hoax, but that Leonato speaks it.
CLAUDIO: (aside) He hath swallowed the bait, keep it going!
DON PEDRO: Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
LEONATO: No, and swears she never will. That’s her torment.
CLAUDIO: Tis true indeed, so your daughter says. ‘Shall I,’ says she (Beatrice) ‘that have so often encountered him with scorn, write to him that I love him?’
LEONATO: This says she now, when she is beginning to write to him; for she’ll be up twenty times a night till she has written a sheet of paper. O, she tore the letter into a thousand pieces; railed at herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would scorn her.
CLAUDIO: Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, ‘O sweet Benedick! God give me patience!’
LEONATO: She doth indeed; my daughter says so. It is very true.
DON PEDRO: It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other person, if she will not reveal it.
CLAUDIO: To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO: She’s an excellent sweet lady, and, beyond all doubt, she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO: And she is wise.
DON PEDRO: In everything but in loving Benedick. I pray you tell Benedick of it and hear what he will say.
LEONATO: Is it good, think you?
CLAUDIO: Hero says Beatrice will die if he loves her not, and she will die if she make her love known, and she will die if he woo her.
DON PEDRO: If she should make tender of her love ’tis very possible he’ll scorn it, for Benedick hath a contemptible spirit. Let it cool the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy of so good a lady.
LEONATO: Dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO: (aside) If he does not dote on her after this, I will never trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO: (Aside) The sport will be when each holds the same option of the other’s being in love. Let us the net be spread for Beatrice. We shall send Beatrice to call Benedick to dinner. (exit all but Benedick.)
BENEDICK: This can be no trick. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity Beatrice. They say that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. They say the lady is fair, and virtuous, and wise, except for loving me. Here comes Beatrice! By this day, she’s a fair lady, and I do spy some marks of love in her!
(Enter Beatrice)
BEATRICE: Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK: Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE: If it had been painful I would not have come. If you have no appetite, signor, fare you well.
(Exit Beatrice.)
BENEDICK: Ha! ‘Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner’ - there’s a double meaning in that. If I do not love her I am a fool.
(Exit Benedick.)
ACT III, Scene 2
In Leonato’s orchard
(Enter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula)
HERO: Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy part to praise him more than ever man did merit; My talk shall be how Benedick is sick in love with Beatrice.
(Enter Beatrice, hiding)
URSULA: But are you sure that Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO: So says Don Pedro and my betrothed, Claudio.
URSULA: And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO: They did, but I persuaded them to never let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA: Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman deserve Beatrice?
HERO: Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes. And her wit values itself so highly that to her anyone else’s conversation seems weak. She cannot love nor project affection, she is so enamored of herself.
URSULA: And therefore it would not be good if she knew his love, lest she make sport of it.
HERO: I never saw a man so wise so noble, so rarely featured. But turns she every man the wrong side out, and never gives to truth and virtue that which he deserves. But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, she would *mock me into air. (*ridicule me into nothingness)
URSULA: Yet tell her of it; hear what she will say.
HERO: No, rather I will go to Benedick and counsel him to fight against his passion.
URSULA: So rare a gentleman in all Italy is Signor Benedick.
HERO: Indeed he is the only man of Italy, always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA: (to Hero) We have caught her, madam!
HERO: If it proves so, then loving goes by haps. Some cupids kill with arrows, some with traps!
(Exit Hero and Ursula)
BEATRICE: What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell; and maiden pride, adieu; No glory lives behind the back of such. And Benedick, love on, I will requite thee, taming my wild heart to thy loving hand. If thou dost love me, my kindness shall incite thee to bind our loves up in a *holy band. (marriage)
(Exit Beatrice)
ACT III, Scene 3
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: I do but stay till your marriage be celebrated and then go I toward Aragon.
BENEDICK: I am not as I have been.
LEONATO: Methinks you are sadder.
CLAUDIO: I hope he be in love.
BENEDICK: Leonato, walk aside with me. I have studied some wise words to speak to you, which these hobbyhorses must not hear.
(Exit Benedick and Leonato)
DON PEDRO: He goes to talk with him about Beatrice!
CLAUDIO: ’Tis so. Hero and Ursula have played their parts so the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
(Enter Don John)
DON JOHN: My brother, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO: What’s the matter?
DON JOHN: Means Count Claudio to be married tomorrow?
DON PEDRO: You know he does.
CLAUDIO: If there be any impediment, I pray you, disclose it.
DON JOHN: I come hither to tell you; and, details shortened, there has been long talking that the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO: Who, Hero?
DON JOHN: Yes she: Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero.
CLAUDIO: Disloyal?
DON JOHN: Go with me, tonight you shall see her chamber window entered, even the night before her wedding day. If you love her then, tomorrow wed her. But it would better fit your honor to change your mind.
CLAUDIO: May this be so?
DON PEDRO: I will not think it.
DON JOHN: If you follow me I will show you enough, and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO: If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her, tomorrow in the congregation where I should wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO: And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN: I will disparage her no farther till you are a witness. At midnight, let the outcome show itself.
DON PEDRO: O day unhappily turned!
CLAUDIO: O what mischief strange!
DON JOHN: O plague right well prevented. So will you say when you have seen the sequel.
(All exit)
ACT IV, Scene 1
On a street in town
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Watchmen)
**Malaprops and word mistakes, often being the opposite of what it means; in an attempt to use “fancy” words.
DOGBERRY: This is your charge; you shall comprehend all **vagrom (vagrant) men. You are to bid any man halt, in the prince’s name.
WATCHMAN: What if he will not halt?
VERGES: If he will not halt, he is not one of the Prince’s subjects.
DOGBERRY: You shall also make no noise in the streets. For The Watch to babble and to talk is most **tolerable (intolerable) and not to be endured.
WATCHMAN: We will rather sleep than talk; we know what belongs to a Watch.
DOGBERRY: Have care that your weapons be not stolen.
WATCHMAN: If we meet a thief shall we not lay hands on him?
DOGBERRY: The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company.
VERGES: If you hear a child cry in the night you must call the nurse and bid her still it.
WATCHMAN: What if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY: Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying. This is the end of your charge. Masters, good night. If there be anything important, call up me.
(Dogberry and Verges begin to exit)
WATCHMAN: Well masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon the church bench till two, and then all to bed.
DOGBERRY: (returns) One word more. Watch about Signor Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there tomorrow, there is a great hubbub tonight. Adieu. Be **vigitant (vigilant), I beseech you.
(Exit Dogberry and Verges. Enter Borachio and Conrade)
BORACHIO: Conrade!
WATCHMAN: Peace, stir not.
BORACHIO: Conrade, stand thee close, then I will utter all to thee.
WATCHMAN: (aside) Some treason, masters. Stand close.
BORACHIO: I have earned from Don John a thousand ducats.
WATCHMAN: (aside) I know that man. He has been a vile thief a number of years and walks about like a gentleman; I remember his name.
BORACHIO: Didst thou not hear somebody?
CONRADE: No, ’twas the vane on the house.
BORACHIO: I have tonight wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by calling her Hero; she leans me out at her mistress’ chamber window, bids me a thousand times goodnight. I should first tell thee how my master Don John planted and placed this false story. Then Don Pedro and Claudio and my master saw afar off in the orchard this encounter.
CONRADE: And thought they Margaret was Hero? Two of them did, Don Pedro and Claudio, but my master knew she was Margaret. Away went Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her the next morning at the temple, and there before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw at night, and send her home again without a husband.
WATCHMAN: We charge you in the prince’s name, halt!
WATCHMAN: Call up the master constable! We have here **recovered (discovered) the most dangerous piece of **lechery (treachery) that ever was known in the commonwealth!
WATCHMAN: And I know one of them!
CONRADE: Masters, masters . . .
WATCHMAN: Bring the thieves forth, I warrant you.
CONRADE: Masters . . .
WATCHMAN: Never speak, we charge you! We hereby **obey (order) you to go with us.
(all exit)
ACT IV, Scene 2
Hero’s room
(Enter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula)
HERO: Good morrow, cousin.
BEATRICE: (Speaking stuffed up, as with a head cold) Good morrow, sweet Hero.
HERO: Why, how now? Are you sick?
BEATRICE: I am *out of tune, (sick) methinks. ’Tis almost five o’clock, cousin; ’tis time you were ready. In truth, I am exceedingly ill.
HERO: These gloves Don Pedro sent me, they are an excellent perfume.
BEATRICE: I am *stuffed (stuffed up nose, as in a cold), cousin, I cannot smell.
MARGARET: Get you some of this distilled *Carduus Benedictus, (herbal healing remedy from a thistle plant and a pun on Benedick’s name) and lay it to your heart.
BEATRICE: “Benedictus?” Why “Benedictus?” You have a hidden meaning in this “Benedictus?”
MARGARET: No, I meant plain thistle. You wonder if I think you are in love? Nay, yet Benedick who swore he would never marry, now eats his meat without grudging. How you may be converted I know not, but methinks you look with your eyes as other women do.
(Enter Ursula)
URSULA: Madam, withdraw! The Don Pedro, Claudio, Signor Benedick, Don John and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church.
HERO: Help to dress me, good cousin, good Margaret, good Ursula.
(All exit)
ACT IV, Scene 3
In front of Leonato’s house. Enter Leonato, Dogberry, and Verges
LEONATO: What would you with me?
DOGBERRY: Sir, I would have some **confidence (conference) with you, that **discerns (concerns) you nearly.
LEONATO: Brief, I pray you, for you see it is a busy time with me.
DOGBERRY: Marry, this it is, sir.
VERGES: Yes, in truth it is, sir.
LEONATO: What is it, my good friends?
DOGBERRY: Verges is a good man, sir, and as honest as the skin between his brows.
VERGES: Yes, I am as honest as any man living.
LEONATO: Neighbors, you are tedious. I would gladly know what you have to say.
VERGES: Sir, we have **comprehended (apprehended) two **auspicious (suspicious) persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.
LEONATO: Take their examinations yourself, I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you. Fare you well! (Enter Messenger)
MESSENGER: My lord, they are waiting for you to give your daughter to her husband.
LEONATO: I am ready. (Leonato and Messenger exit)
DOGBERRY: Go, Verges, go get you to Francis WATCHMAN. Bid him bring his pen and ink bottle to the jail; we are now to **examination (examine) these men. Get the learned writer to set down our **excommunication (examination), and meet me at the jail.
(Dogberry and Verges exit)
ACT V, Scene 1
In a church
(Enter Don Pedro, Don John, Leonato, Friar Francis, Claudio, Benedick, Hero, Beatrice)
LEONATO: Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR: You come hither, Claudio, to marry this lady?
CLAUDIO: No.
LEONATO: To be married ‘to her’, Friar; you come to marry her.
FRIAR: Lady, you come hither to be married to this count?
HERO: I do.
FRIAR: If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be joined, I charge you on your souls to say it.
CLAUDIO: Know you any, Hero?
HERO: None, my lord.
FRIAR: Know you any Claudio?
CLAUDIO: Leonato, give not this rotten orange to your friend.
LEONATO: What do you mean, Claudio?
BENEDICK: This looks not like a nuptial.
CLAUDIO: Let me but put one question to your daughter, bid her answer truly.
LEONATO: I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
CLAUDIO: What man was he talked with you yesternight out at your wind betwixt twelve and one? Now, if you are an honest maid, answer to this?
HERO: I talked with no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO: Why, then are you no honest maiden. Leonato, I am sorry you must hear. Upon my honor, myself, my brother Don John, and this grieved Claudio did see her, hear her, at that hour last night, talk with a ruffian at her chamber window, who hath indeed confessed the vile encounters they have had a thousand times in secret.
CLAUDIO: O Hero! Fare thee well, most foul, most fair.
(Hero faints)
BEATRICE: Why, how now, cousin! *Wherefore (why) sink you down?
DON JOHN: Come, let us go; these things come thus to light. (Exit Don Pedro, Claudio and Don John)
BENEDICK: How doth the lady?
BEATRICE: Dead, I think. Help, uncle! Hero! Why Hero? Uncle, Signor Benedick, Friar!
LEONATO: O Fate, take not away they heavy hand. Death is the fairest cover for her shame that may be wished for.
BEATRICE: (Hero moves) How now, cousin Hero?
FRIAR: Have comfort, lady.
LEONATO: Could she here deny the story? Do not live, Hero; do not open thine eyes! O, she is fallen into a pit of ink that the wide sea hath drops too few to wash her clean again.
BEATRICE: On my soul, my cousin has been slandered.
FRIAR: Hear me a little: Call me a fool, but this sweet lady lies guiltless here under some biting error.
LEONATO: She denies it not. Why seekest thou then to cover with excuse?
FRIAR: Lady, what man is he you are accused of?
HERO: I know none. O my father, prove you that any man with me conversed, or that I yesternight changed words with any creature.
FRIAR: There is some strange error.
BENEDICK: Two of them have the very bent of honor. And if their wisdoms be misled in this, the practice of it lives in Don John, whose spirits toil in villainy.
LEONATO: If they wrong her honor, they shall well hear of it. I shall thoroughly revenge myself upon them.
FRIAR: Pause awhile, and let Hero awhile be secretly kept in, and publish it that she is dead indeed. Maintain your mourning and do all rites that pertain unto a burial.
LEONATO: What will this do?
FRIAR: This shall change slander to remorse; that is some good. That what we have we prize not to the worth while we enjoy it, but being lost, then we find the virtue that possession would not show us while it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio; Then he shall mourn and wish he had not so accused her. But if the story be true, you may well conceal her in some reclusive life out of all eyes.
BENEDICK: Signor Leonato, let the friar advise you.
LEONATO: Being that I am overcome by grief, the smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR: ’Tis well consented. Come, lady, die to live. This wedding day perhaps is but prolonged. Have patience and endure. (Exit all but Beatrice and Benedick)
BENEDICK: Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE: Yea, and I will weep awhile longer.
BENEDICK: Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE: Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would avenge her!
BENEDICK: I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?
BEATRICE: As strange as the thing I know not. You have stayed me in a happy hour; I was about to protest I Ioved you.
BENEDICK: And do it, with all thy heart.
BEATRICE: I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
BENEDICK: Come, bid me do anything for thee.
BEATRICE: Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK: Ha, not for the wide world.
BEATRICE: You kill me to deny it. Farewell. (Moves to leave)
BENEDICK: Stay, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE: I am gone, there is no love in you; nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK: Beatrice-
BEATRICE: In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK: We’ll be friends first.
BEATRICE: You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy. Is it not proved that he hath slandered, scorned, dishonored my cousin? O, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace.
BENEDICK: Hear me, Beatrice-
BEATRICE: Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone. O that I were a man or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK: Stay, sweet Beatrice. By this hand, I Iove thee. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE: Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK: Enough, I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a costly payment. As you hear of me, so think of me.
(Exit in different directions)
ACT VI, Scene 1
Prison
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Sexton, The Watch, Borachio and Conrade)
DOGBERRY: Is our whole **dissembly (assembly) appeared?
VERGES: O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
SEXTON: (sits) Which are the offenders that are to be examined? (to Dogberry) Let them come, master constable.
DOGBERRY: (The Watch lead Borachio and Conrade forward.) (To Borachio) What is your name, friend?
BORACHIO: Borachio.
DOGBERRY: (To the Sexton) Pray write down ‘Borachio’. (to Conrade) Yours fellow?
CONRADE: I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY: Write down ‘master gentleman Conrade’. Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves. How answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE: Sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY: (to Borachio) Come you hither, fellow. Sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
BORACHIO: Sir, I say to you, we are none.
DOGBERRY: (to the Sexton) Have you writ down, that they are none?
SEXTON: Master constable, you must call forth The Watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY: Let The Watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the prince’s name, accuse these men.
WATCHMAN 1: (Indicates Borachio) This man said that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY: Write down ‘Prince John a villain’. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain!
SEXTON: What heard you him say else?
WATCHMAN 2: That he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY: Flat burglary as ever was committed!
SEXTON: What else, fellow?
WATCHMAN 1: And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
DOGBERRY: O villain! Thou wilt be condemned into everlasting **redemption (perdition) for this.
SEXTON: Don John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in these very manner refused and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show him their examination. (exit)
DOGBERRY: Come, bind them. (Watch move to bind them, Conrade resists) Thou naughty knave.
CONRADE: Away! You are an ass! You are an ass!
DOGBERRY: Dost thou not **suspect (respect) my place? Dost thou not **suspect my years? O, that he (Sexton) were here to write me down an ass! But masters, remember that I am an ass; though it not be written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer, and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law-*go to (command to move forward)-and a rich fellow enough-go to! Bring him away. O, that I had been writ down an ass! (exit)
ACT VI, Scene 2
Leonato’s House
(Enter Leonato, Antonio)
ANTONIO: If you go on thus you will kill yourself, And ’tis not wise thus to second grieve against yourself.
LEONATO: I pray thee cease thy counsel, which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve. Show me a man that so loved his child, whose joy of her is overwhelmed like mine. But there is no such man. Men can counsel and speak comfort to that grief which they themselves not feel. No, no, ’tis all men’s duty to speak patience to those that suffer under the load of sorrow, but none can endure to suffer the like himself. Therefore give me no counsel.
ANTONIO: Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO: There thou speak’st reason. I will do so: My soul doth tell me Hero is betrayed, and that shall Claudio know, so shall Don Pedro and all of them that thus dishonor her.
(Enter Don Pedro and Claudio)
ANTONIO: Here comes Don Pedro and Claudio hastily.
DON PEDRO: Good evening.
CLAUDIO: Good day to both of you.
DON PEDRO: We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO: Are you so hastily now, my lord?
DON PEDRO: Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
CLAUDIO: Who wrongs him?
LEONATO: Claudio, thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me, that I am forced to challenge thee to a duel. I say thou hast betrayed mine innocent child. Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, and she lies buried with her ancestors in a tomb where never scandal slept, except this of hers, framed by thy villainy.
CLAUDIO: My villainy?
LEONATO: Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO: You say not right, old man.
LEONATO: I’ll prove it on his body, if he dare, despite his fancy fencing skills and his youth.
CLAUDIO: Away! I will not have to do with you.
LEONATO: Canst thou so *doff (put me off) me? If thou kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
ANTONIO: He shall kill two of us. Let him answer me. Come, follow me, boy. I’ll whip you from your sword-play! Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
LEONATO: Brother-
ANTONIO: God knows I loved my niece, and she is dead, slandered to death by villains. Boys, *apes, braggarts, *jacks, *milksops! (imitations of real men, rascals, cowards)
LEONATO: But brother Anthony-
ANTONIO: Do not you meddle; let me deal with this.
DON PEDRO: My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death, but on my honor she was charged with nothing but what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO: My lord, my lord-
DON PEDRO: I will not hear you.
LEONATO: No? Come brother, away. I will be heard. (exit Leonato and Antonio)
(Enter Benedick)
DON PEDRO: Here comes the man we went to seek.
CLAUDIO: Now, signor, what news?
BENEDICK: Shall I speak a word in your ear? (aside to Claudio) You are a villain. I jest not. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.
DON PEDRO: By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry indeed. I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. At last she concluded, with a sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO: For then she wept heartily and said she cared not.
DON PEDRO: Yea, that she did. Leonato’s daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO: Yea, ‘Here dwells Benedick the married man.’
BENEDICK: Fare you well. Claudio, you know my mind. Don Pedro, for your many courtesies, I thank you. I must discontinue your company. Your brother, Don John, is fled from Messina; you have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord *Lack-beard there, (a reference to Claudio’s lack of manliness) he and I shall meet, and till then peace be with him. (Exit Benedick)
DON PEDRO: He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO: In most profound earnest. And, I’ll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO: And hath *challenged thee? (To a sword fighting duel)
CLAUDIO: Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO: But wait a moment. Pluck up, my heart, and be sad-did he not say my brother was fled?
(Enter Dogberry, Verges, Watchmen, Conrade, and Borachio)
DON PEDRO: How now? Two of my brother’s men bound? Officers, what offense have these men done?
DOGBERRY: Sir, they have committed false report. Moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they are **slanders, (slanderers) sixth and lastly, they have betrayed a lady, thirdly they have **verified (sworn to) unjust things, and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO: Who have you offended, masters? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offense?
BORACHIO: Don Pedro, I have deceived even your very eyes. These shallow fools, who in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John provoked me to slander the lady Hero. You were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments and you disgraced her when you should marry her. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation and I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO: Runs not this speech like a sword through your blood?
CLAUDIO: I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it.
DON PEDRO: Did my brother, Don John, set thee on to this?
BORACHIO: Yea, and paid me richly for it.
DON JOHN: He is composed and framed of treachery, and fled he is upon this villainy.
CLAUDIO: Sweet Hero! Now thy image doth appear in the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY: Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our sexton hath **reformed (informed) Signor Leonato of the matter. And masters, do not forget to specify that I am an ass.
VERGES: Here comes Signor Leonato and the sexton too.
(Enter Leonato, Antonio, and Sexton)
LEONATO: Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes, which of these is he?
BORACHIO: If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO: No, not so, villain, thou betrays thyself. Here stand a pair of honorable men; A third is fled that had a hand in it.
CLAUDIO: I must speak. Sinned I not but in mistaking.
DON PEDRO: By my soul, nor I.
LEONATO: I cannot bid you bid my daughter live-that is impossible. But I pray you both, possess the people in Messina how innocent she died. (to Claudio) And if you love her, hang an epitaph upon her tomb and sing it to her tonight. Tomorrow morning come you to my house and since you can not be my son-in-law, be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter, almost the copy of my child that’s dead. Give her the right you should have given Hero, and so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO: I do embrace your offer.
LEONATO: Tomorrow then, I will expect your coming; Tonight I will take my leave. This naughty man shall face to face be brought to Margaret, who I believe was an accomplice in all this wrong, hired to it by Don John.
BORACHIO: No, by my soul she was not, nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me.
DOGBERRY: Moreover, sir, this offender, did call me ass. I beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment.
LEONATO: I thank thee for thy care and honest pains. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY: I leave an arrant knave with your worship. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well! God restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart. Come, Verges. (exit Dogberry and Verges)
LEONATO: Until tomorrow, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO: Farewell, my lords. We look for you tomorrow.
DON PEDRO: We will not fail.
CLAUDIO: Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO: (to The Watch) Bring you these fellows on. We’ll talk with Margaret, how her acquaintance grew with this rascal fellow.
(all exit)
ACT VII, Scene 1
Near Leonato’s house
(Enter Benedick and Margaret)
BENEDICK: (sings) The God of love,
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve…
(speaking) I have tried; I can find no rhyme to ‘lady’ but ‘baby. No, I was not born under a rhyming planet nor I cannot woo in lighthearted terms.
(Enter Beatrice)
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE: Yea, signor. I come for to know what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK: Only foul words-and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE: Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, therefore I will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK: So forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly: Claudio has received my challenge, and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will publicly proclaim him a coward. Now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE: For them all together. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK: ‘Suffer love’! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE: In spite of your heart, I think! Alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK: Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE: Very ill.
BENEDICK: And how do you?
BEATRICE: Very ill too.
(Enter Ursula)
URSULA: Madam, it is proved my lady Hero hath been falsely accused, Don Pedro and Claudio mightily abused, and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone.
BEATRICE: Will you go hear this news, signor?
BENEDICK: I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes-and moreover, I will go with thee to they uncle’s.
(All exit)
ACT VI, Scene 2
Leonato’s house
(Enter Leonato, Benedick, Margaret, Ursula, Antonio, Friar Francis, Hero-as “brother’s daughter,” and Beatrice)
FRIAR FRANCIS: Did I not tell you she was innocent?
LEONATO: So are Don Pedro and Claudio who accused her. But Margaret was in some fault for this, although against her will.
ANTONIO: I am glad that all things sort out so well.
BENEDICK: And so am I, being that I promised to challenge young Claudio to a duel for it.
LEONATO: Well, you gentlewomen all, withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, and when I send for you, come hither masked. Don Pedro and Claudio promised by this hour to visit me. You know your office, brother. You must be father to your brother’s daughter and give her to young Claudio. (Ladies exit)
BENEDICK: Friar, I must entreat you.
FRIAR: To do what, signor?
BENEDICK: To bind me, or undo me, one of them. Signor Leonato-truth it is, good signor, your niece, Beatrice, regards me with an eye of favor.
LEONATO: Most true. But what is your will?
BENEDICK: My will is for Beatrice and I to stand this day to be conjoined in the estate of honorable marriage.
LEONATO: My heart is with your liking.
FRIAR: Here comes Don Pedro and Claudio.
(Enter Don Pedro and Claudio)
LEONATO: Good morrow, Prince, good morrow, Claudio. We here attend you. Are you determined today to marry with my brother’s daughter?
CLAUDIO: I am.
LEONATO: Call her forth, brother. The friar is ready. (Antonio exits to get Hero)
(Enter Antonio, Hero, Beatrice, Margaret and Ursula- women masked)
CLAUDIO: Which is the lady I must marry? (Antonio leads Hero forward)
ANTONIO: This is she, and I do give you her.
CLAUDIO: (to Hero) Sweet, let me see your face.
LEONATO: No, that you shall not till you take her hand before this friar and swear to marry her.
CLAUDIO: Give me your hand before this holy friar. I am your husband if you like me.
HERO: (takes off mask) And when I lived I was your other wife; and when you loved, you were my other husband.
CLAUDIO: Another Hero!
HERO: One Hero died slandered, but I do live. And surely as I live, I am a maid.
FRIAR: All this amazement can I qualify, after the holy rites are ended. Meantime, to the chapel let us go immediately.
BENEDICK: Soft and fair, Friar. Which is Beatrice?
BEATRICE: (takes off mask) I answer to that name. What is your will?
BENEDICK: Do not you love me?
BEATRICE: Why no, no more than reason.
BENEDICK: Why then Leonato, Don Pedro and Claudio have been deceived-they swore you did.
BEATRICE: Do not you love me?
BENEDICK: In truth, no, no more than reason.
BEATRICE: Why then Hero, Margaret and Ursula are much deceived, for they swear you did.
BENEDICK: They swore that you were almost sick for me.
BEATRICE: They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
BENEDICK: Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
BEATRICE: Only as a friend.
LEONATO: Come Beatrice, I am sure you love the gentleman.
CLAUDIO: And I’ll be sworn upon’t that he loves her, for here’s a paper written in his hand, a halting sonnet of his own fashioned to Beatrice.
HERO: And here’s another, written in Beatrice’s hand, stolen from her pocket, containing her affection unto Benedick.
BENEDICK: A miracle! Here’s our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee.
BEATRICE: I would not deny you.
BENEDICK: In brief, since I do purpose to marry, never mock me for what I have said against it. For man is a giddy thing. For thy part Claudio, I did think to have *beaten thee (won the duel), but thou art now my kinsman, live unbruised and love Hero. Come, we are friends.
(Enter Messenger)
MESSENGER: My lord, Don John, is arrested in flight and brought with armed men back to Messina.
BENEDICK: Think not on him till tomorrow. I’ll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers! Let’s have a dance before we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels. Therefore play, music! Don Pedro, thou art sad-get thee a wife, get thee a wife!
(All exit dancing)
THE END
